What was I Thinking?

Mixing colors may take hours even though I am trying to limit myself to a certain palette. If I am enchanted by blue at the beginning of a session, I will only mix first the absolutely perfect color of blue and then colors that will go along in harmony. I sometimes have the color of a certain object in mind when I think 'blue'. Maybe I am remembering that old crystal perfume bottle my mother had on the dresser...Evening in Paris, was it? Or maybe it is the faded indigo of an old pair of jeans that starts me vibrating.

So that was the easy part. Now I am a soldier in the battlefield ready to lose all for the sake of my patriotic passion. The danger is not entirely imaginary as going into battle with a paintbrush is high stakes in the realm of energy and spirit. But of course my wounds will more than likely not be fatal and sometimes I don't even need to attack. It can be more of a peace negotiation with the visual elements. So I face the demons and try and remember to chant in Sanskrit, a phrase I got from a journal once, that I think means something to do with the idea of just standing back and letting it happen as it wants to. This is another part of the ritual. So now although there are no bounding or binding rules, I am merely led. Something happens while I look at the peaceful canvas and see what it needs to be radiant or transcendent or merely powerful. And then I try to facilitate that.

I think oh my god, that color is singing so brightly but it is too powerful to take over the whole canvas I'll need a smaller brush now it's too much of a shape and needs to be part of the whole surface so maybe a bit of green will stop it from being a bully does it need to be thin or thick what about pouring a little medium over the edges to keep it more transparent there oh my god the paint is already drying in that corner I have to be quick maybe a little hazing with the plant mister not so much that it will blur any lines I want to draw yes maybe some deep purple skinny skinny lines no I don't like that I'll just whisk that a bit to soften it and blend the whole mess with a few wild swoops with a large brush I'm exhausted have a look at what's happened already oh there's a really nice area but it doesn't work with the rest of the painting what about a sacrifice paint it over with a cadmium orange that was a mistake the color has died there now the whole thing has gone down like a card castle what to do a bit of scraping might allow me to add something less complimentary didn't I have some lime green from yesterday god all of my brushes have been lost amongst the cans of paint they're drying out need to make a move fast think I'll try throwing down some softer blues and see if I can work them into the not so good parts have to push push for something good like climbing a mountain in thin air wow that was a nice effect have to unify more so the piece hangs together maybe draw into the paint a little more define some verticals is this a horizontal piece I'll have to see it on the wall tomorrow let this layer dry now and tomorrow I'll figure out what I did.